I was rummaging through a bunch of quotes all at the same time when this brilliant thought came to me that there are good ideas inside of ideas that we often miss for one reason or another. It might be we are focused only on one thing and we can’t see the others or, more bothersome than that we might be oblivious to ideas altogether, because of selfishness which I hope is not your plight. “What a fantastic idea”, I thought to myself as I began experimenting with my new notion. “This makes for a great economy of ideas since we never have to go too far without finding another closely linked great idea”. When you are in the business of writing compositions everyday, than economy of ides are useful as they lead us to a “goldmine” of ideas which I am always in need of for my own given type of writing. For example I though about Helen Keller’s quote for today, “Ideas without action are worthless.” From that my mind was instantly transported to anther time and place and idea that was expressed by another famous person Paul of Tarsus the persecutor of Roman Christians who changed his life and became one himself who later said, “Faith without works is dead”. Another idea that swiftly came and went was the saying, “Don’t worry about what to give, it is the thought that counts.” Now there I was stuck with these three ideas all separate in origin but all springing from the same source. After long and hard thought on these three ideas I saw them as separate subjects and useful for separate editorials; but my mind kept whispering no, there is a central theme here that should not be missed, and one useful for the holidays that are now upon us. It is buried in the idea that: “it is the thought that counts, and not what we give” if anything at all. If this is true than how is it simultaneously true that “ideas without action are worthless?” I came to the conclusion that the proverbial inherited idea that “it’s the thought that counts” is simply untrue. It has been accepted as a traditional excuse for probably hundreds of years but in the heart of hearts if “it’s the thought that always counts” than it is a thought that is measured by what we give indeed that counts. Because it does matter to us what we are given. Don’t say it doesn’t matter because you know it does. You may not want to say so but it does. I don’t mean that we as receivers should be ungrateful at the thing that was given us by let’s say a poor person, but what I am saying is more thought should have been taken before we gave a gift to someone in the first place. When a gift is truly from the heart it is known for sure, it is well done because there is certain significance and a statement is made with the gift we give. The gift does not need to be “much” in a monetary sense, but it needs to mean something to the receiver. For example, I might have shared a romantic moment with q girl under an apple tree. An apple may have been picked, or initials carved in the apple tree, and thus the apple was chosen as a gift. To the receiver that simple token meant everything in the world once it was received, but in a monetary sense it was pennies and may have seemed unimpressive to some onlookers. The expression of this given gift goes far deeper into the heart than any magnificent other gift might do. This illustrates so immensely the idea that this is what is meant by “It’s the thought that counts”. I have seen many give token gifts to others that had no special meaning and the gift goes un-noticed and un-appreciated and put in the pile of others gifts given on that child’s birthday or Christmas. You have seen it too. This season make it a point to give something if you can. It does not need to be a lot. In fact if you can’t afford it and you are going into debt to buy it than that is wrong in a lot of other ways which we can discuss in our debtors column. This Christmas buy what you can afford. Get a gift that has a lot of thought put into it. It does not need to cost you much. Your action speaks louder than words when you give a gift from the heart. Your faith with these kinds of works are not dead. Your actions, because they come from great ideas are worth much more than money can buy.

Goals – we have a love-hate relationship with goals. We love them because they are such a great idea and are a superb way to motivate us to achieve and then to evaluate our progress; but we hate them, because for much of the time, they go unattained and simply frustrate us. This isn’t what goals should do! Having been a Life Coach for many years now I would like to suggest some straightforward and practical techniques on how you can set goals you can achieve! After all, what good is a goal if it isn’t something you can achieve? • Life Coach tip no 1 – You have to want it! Firstly – do not bother to set goals for things you don’t really want. For example: if your partner says they want you to quit smoking or lose weight but you do not want to, why even bother setting this as a goal. If your goal(s) are not something you personally want to accomplish, and they are not relevant to you, you are unlikely to succeed – because deep down you don’t really want to. State your goals in a positive way – a goal should always be something you want to have, or change. Not things you or someone else think you should. Always ask yourself on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being totally committed and 1 being zero commitment. How committed are you to reaching your goal? If it is less than 8, you might want to reconsider the goal. • Life Coach tip no 2 – Focus Start small. Pick two or three areas that you want to work on. Too many people say to themselves, “I want to do this, and this, and this, and this……” and they end up achieving nothing! Most of what you do throughout your day can be done without a lot of mental effort, but change isn’t one of them. So try to keep your focus down to a couple of things. This way you can get success in your identified areas. Here are some aspects of your life you might like to think about: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, Spiritual, Financial, and Relationships. Now, which is the first thing on your list? The others can follow later, but for now, you should focus on two or three, no more. • Life Coach tip no 3 – Goals – the long and the short So you want to lose 50 pounds? Good. Long-term you will. But for now, think short-term. Don’t think about losing 50 pounds by February. Think about losing 10 pounds by October 1st. This does two things. First, it makes it pressing and urgent. Instead of saying, “I still have 6 months to lose the 50 pounds” (6 months quickly disappears into 2 months, into one month – with the 50 pounds still securely in place!) your first goal is only a few weeks away, so you have to get started. This is far more successful in terms of reaching your goal. Secondly, as you reach these smaller goals (your mini-milestones!), you achieve a success, which gives you regular motivation and encouragement to keep going. • Life Coach tip no 4 – Make it manageable Instead of saying, “I am going to quit my 20 smoking a day habit straight off” change this to: “I am going to smoke no more than 15 a day for a week, then 10 the next week and so on.” Give yourself small victories a little at a time. It is far easier to accomplish many smaller goals that make up a large goal – rather than trying for the large goal straight off! • Life Coach tip no 5 – Reward yourself along the way When you lose the 10 pounds by October 1st, go and order yourself large mocha with cream from Costa’s (just the one though!), then get back to your goal for November 1st. This puts a little fun back into the process of self-control and self-discipline. You will look forward to and enjoy the reward and when the going gets tough, you will say things like, “two weeks to go, and only two more pounds to lose” etc – I can do it, then I can enjoy my mocha guilt free! • Life Coach tip no 6 – Be specific with your timeline Don’t just say, “I am going to lose 10 pounds.” Say, “I am going to lose 10 pounds by December 1st.” This way, when you start being tempted into Thornton’s Chocolates in the middle of November – under the guise of buying early Christmas presents for other people, you can say, “No way, only 5 more pounds to go in three weeks and I am not going to blow it now.” • Life Coach tip no 7 – Post it where you can see it Keep your goal in the front of your mind at all times. Instead of allowing yourself to ‘forget’ that you are trying to lose weight by ordering a big slice of cheesecake, your visual reminder will help you to choose something a little on the lighter side but at the same time keeping on track – having your cake and eating it! This will help you beat your desire and stay focused. Post your goal anywhere you will see it regularly, like maybe the fridge or a mirror, on your wardrobe door – you know where is best, you must be able to see it regularly throughout the day. • Life Coach tip no 8 – Encourage, respect, and accountability Explain to a friend or family member what your goal is, including the timeframe, so they can help you with it. This person should regularly ask you, how you are doing etc? They should hold you accountable, but at the same time keep you motivated and encouraged. Obviously they must be the encouraging type! (If not, ask someone else who is) If you are blowing it, they can tell you so, but at the same time gee you up and say things like “Well, that’s okay, it’s done now, don’t sweat it, just get back to it tomorrow.” If you are doing well, they can say, “excellent, well done etc” and make you feel great. • Life Coach tip no 9 – Write (and then reap) the benefits If you are trying to lose weight your benefits might look something like this: Feel better, better self-esteem, longer life, clothes are more comfortable, a bigger choice of clothes shops to shop it, your husband says you look 25 again and so on. For quitting smoking, it may look like this: Fresher breath, no more brown fingers, less wrinkles on my face, no more red eyes, no more smelly clothes, longer life, and the wife won’t make me spend two hours a day on the back porch in the pouring rain anymore! By making a list you will be able to you see what you will benefit from accomplishing your goal. Again it is a good idea once you have thought of these benefits to write them down with your goal (On the fridge, mirror etc) so that when you review your goal everyday, you’ll also see the benefits to achieving it. • Life Coach tip no 10 – You have succeeded – reward yourself! This can be anything – large or small. If you dropped the fifty pounds, really treat yourself, plan to go out and buy yourself that size 12 dress you have always longed for – and then wear it with pride. Make a deal with a partner or friend that if you reach your goal they will take you out for a meal or and spoil you. Whatever it is you plan, make it personal, enjoyable and desirable to you, so you will look forward to it. Do not miss this part out – it is one of the most important bits. It will help to keep you motivated when you’re struggling and give you something enjoyable to aim for. Make sure you reward yourself for all your hard work! Remember folks – goals aren’t just for footballers! They are for us real people too!

“Why?” seems like a good question, doesn’t it? I certainly used to think so. I’ve asked “Why?” often in my life so I must have thought it was a good question. Or maybe I never had thought about it or noticed what happened when I asked that particular question. Over time, I’ve gone from the questions of a toddler (Why is the sky blue?) to the questions of a child (Why did my dog die?) to the questions of an adult (“Why did that man break up with me?). “Why?” used to be one of my favorite questions. Not any more. A few years ago someone offered me a very different perspective on “Why?” I started paying attention to what happened when I asked myself or others this simple question. I noticed that “Why?” was very seldom a useful question. In fact, I discovered it was often a question that worked against me. Now I do my best to not ask myself or others “Why?” Why Not Ask Why? In your internal conversations, are you asking yourself “Why?” on a regular basis? Why do I want that? Why am I feeling depressed? Why can’t I be satisfied with the job I have? Why can’t I figure out what I want in life? Why did I say that? Though you may not realize it, (I certainly didn’t!) there’s a judgment implied in the question. “Why?” is really more like “What’s the matter with me?” or “Why can’t I be different than I am?” When you ask yourself “Why?” you experience (subtly or not so subtly) one or more of the following: * You’re in your head: analyzing, trying to figure out the answer. Even if you don’t know (and much of the time we truly don’t know the “real reason” we’re thinking, saying, doing, or wanting something) you’ll do your best to come up with an answer. Even if you have to make it up! * You hear the implied judgment and so you start down that road. You criticize or blame yourself. You rationalize. You justify. You feel defensive, bad, wrong, or wronged. * Your energy is drained. Rarely, rarely, rarely do you get an answer to “Why?” that helps you move forward. More likely, asking “Why?” will get you stuck and off track. It takes your focus away from where you’re going and how to get there, leaving you circling around in your mind. Asking “Why?” stops you. It gets in the way of creating more of what you truly want. I have seen this with clients when they discover something that lights them up. They immediately start asking “Why do I want that?” or “Why does that light me up?” “Why?” is truly an unanswerable question when it comes to what lights you up and your passions. They simply are what they are. More useful questions at this point would be “What does that look like?” and “What could I do to have more of that in my life?” and “What small step could I take towards that?” (You may be wondering about asking “Why?” of others or them asking it of you. It has the same effects! It doesn’t work well in those situations either.) “Why?” is useful for scientific inquiries (and perhaps in therapy). However, it doesn’t help us create happy, fulfilling, passionate lives with warm, loving relationships. And isn’t some version of that what we all want? What Else Can You Do? If you take “Why?” out of your vocabulary, what in the world do you say or do instead? One option is to just notice. If you want something, if you light up about something, if you’re passionate about something, if someone does something you don’t like, accept that is what is. Trying to find out why is just a distraction. Another option is to ask different questions. Rather than “Why?” ask questions that expand, questions that look forward such as: * What can I do next? * What do I love about this? * What will help me to create that? * What do I want to do now? * What can I learn from this? * What do I really want in this situation? * What’s the lesson here? * How can I do something different the next time? * Who could help me with this? In Your Life I do believe you’ll find not asking “Why?” to be very helpful. It’s a small shift that can make a big difference. Here’s how you can start to play with this idea. 1) Check it out for yourself. Notice what happens when you ask yourself or others “Why?” Can you sense a subtle or not so subtle judgment in the question? How does this question affect you and your energy? What does it do to your ability to take action toward what you truly want? How does it impact your interactions with others? You don’t have to do anything different yet. Just see for yourself how this question works or doesn’t work in your life. 2) Now try experimenting with some alternatives. When you catch yourself asking or getting ready to ask “why?” make a different choice, such as I suggested in “What Else Can You Do?” Notice what happens when you say or do something different. 3) If you like what happens when you don’t ask why, make a commitment to drop “Why?” from your vocabulary. Over time, this will be easier and easier to do. If you want to get unstuck… If you want to move forward in your life… If you want to have more ease and fun along life’s journey.. stop asking “Why?” I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at the results. Enjoy!

Have you ever woken up hating yourself? Maybe you remembered how you upset or lied to someone you love? Or maybe you didn’t do what you promised to do? Or maybe you just feel that you are just plain useless at everything? Have you ever woken up feeling scared! Maybe you’re scared of going to the office because you have to confront a colleague who dislikes you or maybe you have to fire somebody today. Or you have to present the sales figures (poor) to your boss? Have you ever woken up wishing? Wishing that you were better looking or slimmer or younger. Or maybe wishing you could afford to own the kind of home you were in last night or the car you saw in their drive? Have you ever woken up feeling hate for everybody? Hating the people who just seem to sail through life getting everything the want: the right job, the right home and the right kids. The people, who always get the best jobs, always have plenty of money and get on great in any social situation. Have you ever woken up feeling frightened? Maybe about getting old or sick or that you are losing a relationship. Maybe frightened about how you are going to pay the mortgage or your credit card bills. Or maybe about those sales calls you have to make if you want to keep your job? Have you ever woken up feeling that the whole world is against you? No matter how hard you try nobody will help you or allow you to succeed nobody cares about you! Well let me tell you something, you are not alone. We all at sometime, or other have those feelings. I personally spent years just living and wishing and getting nowhere. But, then I found something. A System that literally changed my life in 5 days! It was 5 days of hard work and I had to make some hard choices but after that it became easier and it gets easier with each day that passes It’s a System so simple that anyone can operate it. Using it will give you everything you ever truly wanted be it wealth, health, love or happiness. It has given me the home I truly wanted the job I truly wanted the car I wanted and the money I wanted. And best of all it has given me a loving wife to share it all. Here are a few of the things the System has thought me which might help you also. You could try to stop worrying, about things you can’t change and use the time saved to think about things you can change. You could try to stop reading newspapers and watching the News on TV for a while. Use the time saved to think about your immediate world and your place in it. Remember, the News Media are in the entertainment business and their idea of entertainment is “gloom and doom… Try seeing them as the guy who shuffles along the sidewalk with the billboard saying, “The end is nigh!” You could try staying away from “losers” the people whose talk is always negative. Who always see the bottle as half empty? You could try to look at the positive side of everything. Because everything has a positive. It’s a hard thing to do but if you try to seriously think about a thing you may find a lot of your “problems” may actually be opportunities. Try listening to music that gives you a lift. Watch TV or go to movies that make you laugh and feel good. Try complimenting people. If you like what a person is wearing or the car they’re driving or the service they’ve given you tell them so. I guarantee you’ll feel better and they will too. Look in the mirror and compliment yourself. Think about it. If you are taking notice of these suggestions it means you seriously want to change. So complement yourself for that reason if nothing else! You could try having patience with people. Remember they may not be as good or as quick as you at doing things. You could also try having patience with yourself as well. You could try and find some project you truly believe in and get really involved in it. You could try and relax more. You will find you can actually do things better the more relaxed you are. Remember YOU are always in control of your own thoughts and no one, repeat, no one, can do your thinking for you. These are just a few of the things I have learnt from the System. As I said, using it has changed my life and has provided me with something that I consider to be priceless. That is Happiness 99% of the time. I am still working on the other 1%!

So, here’s the situation: We’re thinking about making some changes in life, and we’re wondering how to spot the perfect time to act. Perfect timing means perfect success, right? Here’s a news flash. There are no perfect times. There are bad times, good times, even excellent times. But never a perfect time. For anything. But that doesn’t mean we can go ahead willy-nilly without considering whether the circumstances add up to a good time or a bad time. We have to stick an elbow in the bath water and check the temperature before we proceed. Timing always counts. So let’s consider how to read the times. A good time is any time when things seem pretty normal, when words like “saga” don’t keep coming up. The kids’ report cards may not be all they could be. Losing the standard fifteen pounds might seem like an impassable mountain. In the larger world, employment is pretty stable. The stock market is hanging in there. All normal. When things are pretty normal at home and in the economy, it’s a good time to start new stuff. Then there are the not-so-good times, when we need caution. Even when life’s a little lumpa-lumpa, though, we want to launch if we see a sweet spot. For example, there once was a day when the world sat lorn and unaware we all wanted to spend big money on a sugar-laden cup of coffee and call the waitress a Barista. Then along came Starbucks. Same thing with Federal Express. And so many others. Sweet spots beat lumpa-lumpa times. Then there are the bad times. When life whacks us a good one, it may be time to rest and recoup rather than start something new. When somebody we love dies, our lives look like a pile of rubble, and none of it makes sense. Divorce does that, too. There’s a gaping hole where our vital organs used to be. After a major hit, it takes about a year for our brains to really function again. We may labor under the illusion we’re thinking clearly, but our brains are mush. It’s not a great time to make decisions. Sometimes, though, we can’t take time to recover. Perhaps our livelihood gets yanked away, and we have to find a future–as in right now. We have to act, ready or not. Or we may see the sweet spot of our dreams. Those don’t come around every day, so, here too, we have to take action–once we make sure it’s not a mirage. True sweet spots beat bad times. Going it alone is always tricky, but going it alone in bad times is asking for trouble. We need to get other people to talk and think with.. Who can help? Forget the negativity drippers. Negative words splash acid on our dreams. Even if it’s the uncle with money, we can’t afford their presence when we’re in a ditch. And we don’t want untrustworthy people tromping into our lives. Who needs to end up as a tasty morsel of gossip? We also shouldn’t engage with the clueless. However charming and sympathetic they may be, if they don’t know anything about what we’re trying to do, they can’t help. We need trust and loyalty, plus an understanding of the situation and the possibilities. All this gold may not come for free. It often requires more than one person to get all we need, but a cheering squad gives us more oomph than a lone sis-boom-bah anyway. So, here’s how it goes: We move with confidence in good times. We add a little caution in the lumpa-lumpa times. We lean hard on help to keep on keeping on in the bad times. The most important thing at any time is to keep looking ahead. Maybe wounded, maybe soaring, but never giving up. Giving up is losing. © 2007 by Bette Dowdell. All rights reserved.