“Forgiveness means that you do not hold others responsible for your experiences.” ~Gary Zukav If you’re like me, you have a garage or attic or basement full of junk–old clothes that don’t fit or that are outdated, boxes of children’s toys, paperwork you’ll never need or even look at again. We have sentimental attachments to things that are just taking up space. These items, while maybe not physically holding you back, may be psychologically holding you back. They are definitely weighing you down. And yet, unless you have a real problem with an overabundance of ‘stuff’, it’s probably not that much of an issue. What about the things you store in your mind? You’ll find some memories there of the pleasures of living–weddings, anniversaries, births–maybe some sadnesses–deaths and loss. These are what make up a complete life, the highs and lows, ebb and flow. You’ve also got knowledge and appreciation up there, as well as all of your abilities–how to bake a cake, change your oil, ride a bicycle. We’ve also got some junk up there. One of the fastest ways to get rid of this junk is the act of forgiveness. In an upcoming article I’ll give you some specifics on how to use forgiveness to dispose of some of this useless garbage. The ultimate purpose of forgiveness is not to make you a better person, it’s not to benefit the person you’re forgiving, and it’s not even to make you right with God or work out your karma (though these are all side benefits of forgiving). The real purpose is to clear out your other than conscious mind, to free it up from any negativity that is holding you back and preventing you from achieving everything you ever wanted. ‘By beholding be become changed.’ That’s one of my favorite Bible quotes. This means, that the more you focus on, the more you are going to become what that focus is. Are you focusing on creating money or on debt? Are you focusing on health or on sickness? To focus on bitter feelings and hard knocks and tough life lessons, then that becomes a piece of us. One of the reasons we’re here on planet earth, the school called earth, is to learn to understand we are in dominion, not domination, and we are able to have everything we ever wanted. Try this: imagine you’re dividing your unconscious into sections and lump all of the ‘bad’ parts–the troubles, difficulties, problems, resentments–into one section. What percentage of your unconscious is being consumed by that mental garbage? If you took it all and assigned it a value. . .a percentage, as in, well, 5% of my unconscious, or other than conscious, is taken up by this junk. How does that affect you to think of that large a chunk of your mind is engaged in negativity? What if you had to give 5% of your income to a really negative cause? I’m assuming that would not please you. When we employ the process of forgiveness, we clear out that 1 or 5 or 15% and make space for more of what we want. Coming soon: Part II–the process of forgiveness is mapped out for you.

Way back year 1910, The Board of United States General appraisers held that cigarette cases are not “articles of personal adornment”. They claimed that cigarette cases are items you carry in your pocket for convenience and utility and that they are limited by their usefulness. I’d say they have yet to lay their eyes on the irresistibly chic cigarette cases sprouting in the market these days. As Much for Ornamentation as for Usefulness No one would argue that these cigarette cases are indeed useful. But why, they make your cigarette sticks very handy. Now you don’t have to worry about them crumpling or breaking into halves. But you’ll have to admit it. You are using them as much for ornamentation as for utility. That’s how it is these days. The line between usefulness and ornamentation is wallowing in obscuration. The line between needing and wanting is fast disappearing. But why, mighty forces have inculcated within people a tenacious desire for luxury that quenching this desire has become as vital as having a roof on their heads. Mindless Consumerism Go ahead and blame the cunning advertisers for this unspeakably mindless consumerism. But what have you left to do but to join the bandwagon? After all, it’s part of the political animal that you are. You need to belong. You need to be one amongst the many. You can make the situation work for you though. These things only become damaging when allowed to reach uncontrollable heights. Like they say, too much of anything is bad. What’s in Store There is nothing wrong with looking good. There is nothing wrong with looking gracious and respectable. There is nothing wrong with taking the extra length to look chic and sophisticated. And there is nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself, of exuding a lot of self-confidence. There is nothing wrong with that! So go ahead and vie for those nice things. Go ahead and aim to be captivating, to inspire awe and confidence all at the same time. Then you’ll see what else is in store for you. When you look good, you become a tad more confident. When you’re confident, you’re willing and ready to face the world, to deal with people. When you’re ready to do this, you’re ready to become a person of substance, a person that contributes to his society. Dangerous When Overdone Now what’s wrong with becoming that person? What’s wrong with mixing utility and ornamentation? What’s wrong with shopping for cigarette cases that are as beguiling as they are useful? Just like smoking, they become dangerous when overdone. Too much consumerism is pure evil. But consumerism at the right amount is a beautiful mix of practicality and aesthetics. So go ahead and make the things around you work to your advantage. Yes, they’re shrewd but you can be just as shrewd. There is no use sulking and playing the victim or dwelling in bitterness acting all revengeful. Life remains to be as you make it. So conquer yourself and conquer the world both in practicality and beauty!

Is there a change you want to make in your life but you’re stuck and stymied by it? Perhaps you’re at that point in midlife where you long to find something entirely different to do with the rest of your life but you’re not taking action to discover what that might be. Maybe you already know what you want to do in the next chapter of your life but you’re not doing it. You might want to exercise more or eat healthier foods. Whatever the change is, it’s one you’ve not (yet) been able to make. Sometimes change comes easily and naturally; we explore, experiment, learn, improvise, adapt. Sometimes change is difficult; we try and try and try to change — and we fail. When that happens, we may blame and criticize ourselves or just give up or tell ourselves we don’t really care anyway. We begin to feel hopeless, helpless, and powerless. It’s Not Just You In his book, “Change or Die” Alan Deutschman cites studies showing that even when patients are faced with death if they don’t make changes (such as stop smoking, exercise, eat healthier) only ONE in TEN is able to make the necessary changes. That’s when the choice is change or die! So, if you’ve been unsuccessful in making changes in your life, you’re not alone. No need to beat yourself up; you’re just being human! Numerous studies and our own personal experiences tell us that facts, fear, “shoulds” and “ought to’s” don’t help people change. What does help? In his research, Deutschman uncovered a number of situations (with heart disease patients, career criminals, factory workers) where change seemed hopeless yet it happened. From this he identified three critical keys that will help you make important, positive changes in your life: relate, repeat, and reframe. Three Critical Keys to Change RELATE “Build a new relationship that will inspire you and give you hope,” Deutschman recommends. Find a person (or community) who believes you can and will change. They “sell” you on yourself so you believe that you have the ability to change. They persuade you they’ll be your partner in the change and that their methods will work for you. Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12 Step programs do this. They offer a community of people who believe you can change using their methods; they know it worked for them so it can work for you. This inspiration and hope has helped many, many people to change. Depending on the kind of change you wish to make teachers, coaches, personal trainers, nutritionists, naturopaths, and many others all could play this role. REPEAT Deutschman says, “The new relationship helps you learn, practice, and master the new habits and skills you will need.” Making a change requires new ways of thinking, feeling, and acting. It can take a lot of repetition to master and integrate these new ways of being. Your person or community “trains” you, providing guidance, encouragement, and direction until your new behavior becomes automatic and natural. REFRAME “The new relationship helps you learn new ways of thinking about your situation and your life,” notes Deutschman. Over time, as you continue to relate and repeat, you see the world in a different way, a way you couldn’t see before, a way that supports you in making the change a permanent one. Experiences with the Three Keys Have you had experiences that fit with these three keys? Times when relate, repeat, and reframe gave you new hope, new skills, and new thinking to make an important change in your life? And also times when you didn’t have these keys in place and the change didn’t happen? I certainly have. As I’ve thought about this in the last few weeks, I’ve revisited numerous examples in my own life. I’ve tried four or five times to learn to play the piano. I’ve never gotten close to the level of playing I wanted. I’ve criticized myself as lacking discipline and persistence. But maybe I just haven’t found the right (for me) teacher and method of instruction that would give me the belief I could succeed, the encouragement and guidance as I learned new skills, and the new view of myself as a piano player. Here’s an example of success I’ve had with the three keys. When I wanted to change how I was living my life, I chose Cathy Hawk to help me. She was my coach, mentor and teacher to learn to live “lights on.” She completely believed I could make this change, inspiring me and giving me hope. She guided and encouraged me again and again along my bumpy path as I learned new, dramatically different skills for navigating my life. Eventually I had a new view of myself and my life that allows me to live with much more joy, ease, passion, and purpose. It’s fun for me to see that these three keys also apply to my own work with clients. When the fit between us is right, I’m able to inspire them, give them hope, and help them believe they can create lives filled with pleasure, passion and purpose. I teach, guide, and mentor them as they practice new ways of living. They develop new ways of thinking about themselves and their lives. With these three keys to change in place, they are able to make the life changes they want to make. In Your Life Do you have a change you’d like to make and, so far, have had difficulty making? Here’s what I suggest. 1) Identify what you want to change, something you’d like to be or feel or do differently in your life. Be very clear and specific about what you want. Of course, if it’s something you’re “lights on” about (a vision, dream, or desire that energizes and enlivens you), that’s a significant boost to the process of change. 2) Find a relationship that will inspire you and give you hope. This relationship is the foundation upon which your successful change will be built so pay close attention to who you choose. You want an individual or a community with people, methods, approaches, and strategies that light you up, that you’re energized and enlivened by, that you’re drawn to. 3) Give yourself permission and the time to learn, practice, and master (with guidance, direction, support from your new relationship) the new skills that will enable you to make the change you want to make. 4) Allow your view of yourself, your situation, and your life to be changed as well. Yes, some changes can be difficult to make and that doesn’t mean it’s hopeless. When you’re having difficulty making a change you’d like to make, try using the three crucial keys to change: relate, repeat, reframe. Your new hope, new skills, and new ways of thinking will allow you to make significant, important changes in your life. Enjoy!

With all the new interest in changing people’s thinking toward the more positive, a new magazine has even cropped up which is entirely devoted to the art and science of positive thinking. Positive Thinking Magazine is a great new publication that will really give you some new ideas and keep you on task about your new commitment to become more positive. This is a magazine made up of people who are a lot like you. They prescribe to the belief that your life tends to turn out very similar to the way you imagine it is going to turn out. If you want that to be different, you have to change the way you think! It’s as simple as that. This is a great magazine with many hints, tips and suggestions of places you can go and things you can do and people you can meet to constantly be updating your progress toward a more positive lifestyle. They believe that your outlook on life largely, if not completely determines the quality of your life. In addition, a positive attitude isn’t necessarily something that everyone is born with. You have to work at it! Positive thinking is something that has to be cultivated and even maintained after you have arrived at a certain level. It involves a variety of methods and practices that all contribute to the enjoyable ways you can turn your life around. Positive Thinking can eventually become part of every area of your life including work, family, health and friendships. Above all, Positive Thinking can help you to celebrate life in ways you never thought possible. The magazine itself is a very informative and inspirational publication that offers products and services that can be extremely beneficial to helping you make very practical and positive steps toward a more happy life. Check them out on the web at www.positivethinkingmag.com. They even offer a free trial issue to anyone who wants to see what the magazine is actually like. You will get one free issue and you can look it over and decide if it is really for you. It sure can’t hurt to try it out. After all, think positive! Besides just the positive thinking magazine that can be ordered online, there are virtually thousands of books and other publications out there which can help you to gain a better insight into the methods and means of obtaining a more positive outlook on life. It really doesn’t matter which one you decide to start with because you can use your own inner compass to guide you and tell you which authors or which publications are the best. If something doesn’t sound right to you, then put the book down and search for another. One of the joys of self improvement is being able to decide for yourself what are the more positive ways of looking at life and which are notright for you. Everybody is different and each person’s spiritual path will follow a different course over time. What is important is that you make sure to remain on the path so that you won’t waste your precious time in a lot of negative pain and misery. There’s no better time than the present, so get out there and get started today. Positive thinking magazine is a very unbiased approach to the science and art of positive thinking which is the rightful possession of all of us. You don’t have to be from any particular religion or spiritual tradition to benefit from this magazine and some people who read it aren’t interested in religion at all. It doesn’t matter about your race or gender or how old you are. Positive thinking magazine is something that everyone can enjoy and just might be something that you will enjoy very soon. Check it out today and you won’t be disappointed.

You have the best of intentions. You know you’ve been too intense at work. And you’re really disliking your job more and more each day. You promise yourself to keep a better focus on what’s really important in life. But so far you haven’t kept your promise to yourself. Or maybe it’s the upkeep of the house. You try to keep a clean living environment. But after working and spending time with friends, there’s no energy left to pick up the clutter and get rid of the dirt. After all, the clutter and dirt will just come back. So you’re left with a feeling of discouragement and frustration. Or it’s the work you do for the kids. Boy, do they take a lot of work. Keeping the baby fed, clean, and happy takes all your time. And then there are the older kids. Soccer practice. Piano lessons. Church youth group. There’s just no time to do it all. You’re racing through life like little more than a robot. How can you reclaim your humanity? Life gets to all of us from time to time. It seems to be the price we pay for an increasingly complex world, a world where the Internet has opened up so many choices to us, that we can feel overwhelmed with making decisions. Fortunately, despite any complexity the Internet has added to our lives, it also has made it easier to insert some little pauses into the day to make life a little more bearable. I call these little pauses micro-breaks. And they can be a great way to step off the fast-track for just a moment to relax a bit and refocus on the things that are important. Micro-breaks come in all shapes and sizes. One type of micro-break that many people find helpful is a thought for the day — a profound, noteworthy, or entertaining saying. The Internet has all kinds of sources for a thought for the day. Just do a search on any of the major search engines, and you’ll find how many possibilities there are to choose from. What kind of thought for the day works best? That depends on your personality. If you tend to get caught up in the details of life, then you might do best with sayings that focus on more profound statements of life and existence. If you are inspired by quotes that have stood the test of time, sites that focus on the sayings of famous people might provide the most benefit to you. If you find yourself taking life too seriously too often, sayings that can make you smile or chuckle would suit your style well. The most important thing is to find a source of micro-breaks that you find inspiring or relaxing. These will give you the most energizing pauses in your day. Of course, there is no reason you can’t make use of more than one type micro-break. So, fire up your browser, visit your favorite search engine, and find yourself some places where you can get your thought for the day. Then, either sign up to receive your daily thought in your email, or make a habit of visiting the places you like best for a quick micro-break. Soon you’ll be headed in the right direction to maintain a balanced life.