Have you ever listened to someone else speaking about themselves and had one of those ‘If they can do that, so can I’ thoughts? I often hear people say, ‘I wish I could do so-and-so.’ And for me this kind of statement is like the red rag and the bull. With all the ‘stuff’ that challenged me in the past (divorce, abuse, finances, self-esteem and lack of confidence) I know better than most that you can have nothing and create a worthwhile, dreamy and very holistic lifestyle. In fact, I’d go as far to say my life has become a bit of an experiment – and a personal quest – to see how much I can overcome, grow, enjoy and share what I’ve learned so others can benefit. When I hear people make ‘I wish’ statements, My usual response is now a kind of: ‘Then why don’t you?’ reply. But what am I doing when I ask this question? Echart Tolle says, ‘When pain is put close to radiant consciousness it is transformed like wood on a fire.’ In other words, when someone is struggling to get their dream out – when it’s choking and trying to wriggle its way out, through the barriers and the reasons and the excuses, all I’m doing is chucking a log onto the fire, in the hope it burns later. Call it alchemy is you like. The question, ‘What stops you?’ is a meltdown question. And from all that melted lead that slops up from inside, can eventually, turn to gold. One of the things I’ve been doing over the last five years is to take the heartache of what I went through as a victim of domestic violence and using it positively to transform my life and those who I come into contact with. When a woman was screaming at her child in the street, I understood from my years of abuse the damage this would do to the child. I didn’t judge the screaming parent, but just offered her my help while she brought herself back to center. That simple gesture was enough to transform the lead of the situation into gold. It turned the shouting into a slightly embarrassed smile and a thank you – which amounted to an acknowledgment of showing kindness in a moment of need. A few years ago I was broke and in some pain from being financially crippled. I created the resources to change that and now teach a number of clients how to get themselves back on track – sometimes saving my fees several times over in a very short space of time. If money is troubling you, a good, low cost way to start is my e-book, Getting in the Flow of Money – Immediately. It’s straight talking, simple and gives you an exercise we all should do, but probably don’t. It’s true that no one goes from A-Z in a flash. You don’t go from being beaten and shouted at to suddenly being aware and caring of others. There is a journey and a process to go through. And rest assured I’m not telling you these stories to impress you with how ‘Good I think I’ve got’. I’m sharing them with you as someone that know what it’s like to have had masses of pain and troubles and has (and is still) learning to enjoy life more with every breath. I’m going to be covering this subject of lighting your fire, meltdown and creating gold in two talks I’m giving called Turning Inspiration into Reality – click here to book tickets. To be honest, I’m relishing the prospect of giving these talks. I can’t wait to share what I’ve learned with you, because I know how you can manifest your inspiration dreams and wishes. Turning your wish (inspiration) into reality is about process. Here’s an outline: 1. Know what you want 2. Create a plan 3. Work on the plan everyday, even for just five minutes 4. See what’s working. Notice what’s not. 5. Change what’s not working. 6. Keep changing what’s not working until you get what you want Enjoy today’s exercise. With Love and good wishes Neil

On occasion, I like to bring up ideas, exercises and concepts that some would consider to be a little woo woo, esoteric, or downright crazy. When I do this, I simply ask for your indulgence and suggest that even if something is unusual, it has potential to work wonders and give value. First a couple of questions: when you are dealing with another person–a client, a prospect, a child, a spouse, a romantic interest–how receptive are you to their energy? And how willing are you to imagine yourself becoming of one mind with that person? I’ve suggested several other exercises over the months with articles on ‘vibration’ and surrounding ourselves with pink bubbles’ and I’d like to revisit the idea of energy here. Energy is all about the language of the unconscious mind and the interconnectedness of all life. This is an interconnectedness with each other and with the divine (whether that be God or Buddha or whomever you worship). Recently on one of my private one-on-one coaching calls, a very insightful student/client of mine brought up this concept. It started me thinking about how this is exactly the kind of thing that enhances persuasion immeasurably. I realize there’s a fine line of what will pull people in and what will repel them or scare them off. And I completely understand the hesitation. My request: push past this hesitation and receive this information in the spirit that I am giving it: This is a means to advance persuasion skills incredibly. My student described a metaphorical vehicle which he uses in ‘meditation’. It’s a golden orb, an egg-like structure, which he imagines over his head as a source of divine energy. This golden orb flows down through him, to his heart and pours out into the individual with whom he is connecting. When he described this, it struck me as a beautiful way of interacting and it presupposes an intention of doing the highest good, working with the greatest amount of integrity for the benefit and happiness of everyone involved. All of this is the language of the unconscious. This is exactly the kind of thing that I think is perfect for what needs to be done. There is an immense value in this sort of exercise for us as persuaders. You are not asking the other person to change or interfering with their will, but you are changing your response to what is going on. As a result, your prospect, friend, child, romantic interest, business associate, boss, employee. . . whomever, will most likely follow and you will find yourself having a greater capability with them. In doing this, you have expanded the persuasion field, your frame around your self, giving you greater reach and a wider field of vision. Keep this in mind at all times. . . so much of what persuasion is originates and emanates from us. It is controlled by us more so than most people would believe because most persuaders think that the control lies with the person we’re persuading and it really is more within us than anything. All of the exercises I’ve written about, from the unconscious hello, to surrounding ourselves with pink bubbles, to the way we set our intention, to the power of vibrations, to this golden orb. . . all of them point to the fact that persuasion is under our control. One more time: Persuasion is under our control.

I think it would be fair to say that we all have a tendency to take things personally. It’s just that some of us have a greater tendency than others to do so. And, when it happens, some of us are better able to deal with it within ourselves than others. Taking things personally is never healthy in any relationship: employer-employee, friend-friend, husband-wife, partner-partner, parent-child, . . . for a number of reasons. One main such reason is that, if you do take things personally, then your feelings will continually be at the mercy of others – whether they attacked you personally or not. That is never healthy in a relationship, and it is no way to live! If you are someone who tends to take things people say or do personally, then I want to share with you a little trick I have found that really helps. It involves understanding why people sometimes do what they do and seeing that often what they do has nothing to do with us and that, therefore, there is no need to take it personally. I will share this trick through 2 relationship principles. Relationship Principle 1: People sometimes are selfish. This principle may sound cynical but bear with me. I think that it is an undeniable fact that we all have selfish tendencies. However, some of us are more selfish than others. And some of us can become selfish given the right circumstances. By understanding and accepting that people sometimes are selfish, then we understand that sometimes people: – will think only in terms of what is best for them, – will see things only from their own point of view, – will want to be right about everything, – will want to have things their way all the time, – will not think about how what they do affects others, – and so on . . . Consequently, sometimes people will do what they do simply because they are motivated by selfishness! And if they are motivated by selfishness, then there is no reason why we should take personally things they do and say as their actions had nothing to do with us. In fact, you could say that their actions has shown you just how selfish they are. For example, if someone cuts you when you are driving, don’t take it personally. Just tell yourself, “this person has just shown me how selfish s/he is by cutting me off . . . it is nothing personal!” Relationship Principle 2: People always have a reason for doing what they do. This principle is one that I learnt about people some time ago. This principle does not mean that people are always right about what they do. Nor does it mean that they should always be excused for their action. It also does not mean that they themselves always know why they did what they did. But there is nevertheless always a reason! Here are some reasons that I can think of that would cause people to do what they sometimes do (perhaps you can think of others): – past unmet needs, – current needs, – current wants, – past unresolved issues or conflicts, – past hurts, – current fears, – current hang ups, – ulterior motives or hidden agenda, – current insecurities, – past decisions, – ego issues, – personality disorders such as: narcistic tendencies, ADD, ADHD, lack of empathy, . . . – and so on . . . Consequently, sometimes people will do what they do simply because they are motivated by who they are and the “baggage” they carry! And if they are motivated by such things, then there is no reason why we should take personally things they do and say. In fact, you could say that their actions has shown you that they behave as they do because they “have issues”. Again, nothing to do with us and therefore nothing personal! For example, I know a 12-yearl old boy who once told his step-mother “I love you” only to be given the reply “Yeah, well you have a funny way of showing it!” Needless to say the boy was deeply hurt by the reply (and understandably so). The way to help that boy is to help him understand that, even though the step-mother’s comment sounded like a personal attack on him, the reply really reveals who the step-mother is as a person and that it was nothing personal. In conclusion, the trick to not taking personally things people say and do is to understand and accept that sometimes people are selfish and/or they “have issues”, and that their behaviour often has nothing to do with us. You can even turn things around and say that their behaviour betrays who they really are. This will help you shift the focus from you (which is partly why you take things personally) and place it on them (which will help you not take things personally). Serge M Botans

Living with social anxiety doesn’t just affect the person who has social anxiety disorder – it can affect their loved one’s as well. If you have a friend or family member who you believe has social anxiety, you can support them in a way that helps them deal effectively with the disorder. Start by discussing the problem with your loved one – in private. This is not an intervention, and should not be handled as a confrontation of any kind. Just have a non-threatening, non-judgmental conversation about what is going on with the person. If the person already knows that they have social anxiety this will be a much easier conversation. However, if they have never been diagnosed, or discovered for themselves that they have social anxiety, this conversation can be quite difficult. It is important that you not push too hard. You can suggest professional help, but you cannot force it – or even try to force it. The decision to seek professional help for social anxiety is a personal decision that must be made by the individual, without outside pressure. If your loved one does not feel that they need professional assistance, do some research, and find alternative personal treatments that will help, and suggest these to your loved one. Help them practice the techniques. Again, don’t push. Gently encourage your loved one to attend social functions with you. Take them shopping, invite them to a party, or a small gathering. Do not be surprised if they decline the invitation. You can gently encourage them to attend, ensuring them that you will be there with them, and for them, but -again – don’t push. If they do agree to attend, work out something with them in advance. Have them tell you what happens to them when the fear begins. Learn to recognize the signs, or work out a signal with your loved one. When the fear begins, your job is to come to their rescue, and take them out of the situation – even if it is only a temporary removal to the restroom or outside. Make sure that you are available for the rescue. If you promise your loved one that you won’t let them out of your sight at the social event, live up to that promise. Simply looking around, and seeing that you are not there can trigger the fear, and you will have a very hard time getting them to attend another social function with you. While you must deal with your loved one’s social anxiety gently, you cannot patronize them. If you do not have social anxiety, you really cannot ever fully understand what they are going through. You cannot fix their problem. They are not your ‘project.’ All you can do is lend support when it is needed, and otherwise, treat the person as you normally would. People who have social anxiety already worry that people are judging them – they don’t need to feel as though their loved one’s are judging them as well. Gary Miller is the author of “Prisoners of Our Thoughts: How to break free from the grips of Social Anxiety and Fear.” To learn more about the book click here to go to the website at www.social-anxiety-cure.com.

“All that man achieves, and all that he fails to achieve is a direct result of his own thoughts.” -James Allen John Lennon, at the height of his popularity, had his heart captured by one simple word: yes. He was rich, talented, desired and loved by people all over the world and had the option of nearly any woman he wanted. And ‘yes’ was what did it for him. He attended an exhibit in England and Yoko Ono was one of the artists. The piece in question was a ladder which led to a tiny sign and a magnifying glass. In order to see what was written on this tiny sign, one had to climb the ladder and look through this magnifying glass. It said, ‘Yes’. It started with a yes. John later said he liked the piece so much because of it’s positive message. He said if it had been something negative, he wouldn’t have found Yoko or her work interesting in the least. We all say ‘yes’ or derivatives of it every day (yeah, uh huh, ya). A positive response to a question or situation. Yes. When we say yes, many times we are projecting an attitude and an affirmation, more than just agreement, and we are showing an openness and welcoming. As a persuader, I love to hear ‘yes’. Self awareness and attitude go hand in hand with persuasion. This requires that you “check in” with yourself and pay special attention to all the signs and feelings we experience. There’s a young women who works at the cafe where I work sometimes. She has the ultimate ‘people suck’ attitude. ‘I’ll never get what I want. Why can’t I ever find a parking spot. I’m so fat. I’m always broke. . .’ Wow. This is not a ‘can do’ attitude. She is most certainly not saying ‘yes’. By changing our loops, our negative tapes, for positive ones, and you’ll be rewarded immeasurably. It takes a lot of conscious work and can sometimes be uncomfortable. There have been days when I let negative moods get the better of me. Sometimes it happens without you even knowing it. I’m not normally a complainer. I take action when action is warranted, but I had a bad day not too long ago where I was irritated by absolutely everything. I noticed the ugly paint job on the house down the street, I noticed the horrible driver in traffic. And then something happened that interrupted my (temporary) pattern of negativity. Someone just said, ‘Are you okay?’ It made me realize that, yeah, I had really been complaining a lot, it had been a bad day. I took a deep cleansing breath, checked in with myself, and intentionally readjusted my attitude. Presto! That ugly paint job was inconsequential. Life happens. Part of life includes ‘bad’ things. We have the choice to respond with either positivity or negativity. Emotions are choices. Charles Hannel, author of ‘The Master Key System’, (an incredible study in self-improvement and higher consciousness) said of attitude, “The predominant thought or the mental attitude is the magnet, and the law is that like attracts like, consequently, the mental attitude will invariably attract such conditions as correspond to its nature.” As you begin to reorient yourself to a ‘yes’ attitude, you will get more ‘yes’ in return.