One of the major symptoms associated with social anxiety is stress. Stress works two ways – the social anxiety can cause it, and the stress can intensify the social anxiety. Stress can be a big problem, because it leads to other health related problems, such as high blood pressure or heart attack. Stress can also cause headaches, ulcers, insomnia, excessive fatigue, and muscle pain. When a person who suffers from social anxiety is contemplating a social interaction or situation, they experience stress. When they are actual in a social interaction or situation, the stress level increases to extreme levels, and triggers a variety of other symptoms. Stress plays such a big role in social anxiety that, in many cases, once a person learns how to control their stress levels, they literally overcome their social anxiety as well. There are many methods that can be used to control stress levels. Exercise is one of the best ways to reduce or eliminate stress, because believe it or not, stress can create energy. This is the fight or flight response that we were all born with. This fight or flight response was used by our ancestors for their survival. We don’t typically use this fight or flight response for our survival today, but it is still there, and it does create energy that needs to be used. Exercise is the way to use it. You can also employ other methods for dealing with long-term stress and it’s side effects. These methods include: Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR), Autogenic Relaxation, and Imagery Relaxation. These methods can be used along with exercise to greatly reduce your stress levels. Progressive Muscle Relaxation is a technique in which you tense, then relax, groups of muscles. The ultimate goal of PMR is to be able to relax your entire body all at once. When you can relax all of your muscles, stress disappears from your muscles, and it is either reduced or eliminated. Autogenic relaxation is often used for the relief of chronic pain. Since stress can cause chronic pain, autogenic relaxation is used to treat stress as well. Autogenic relaxation combines deep breathing exercises with imagery and positive verbal statements to control and master a problem that is causing stress. Imagery relaxation also involves deep breathing, but instead of dealing directly with what is causing the stress, you use your mind to take you away from the stressful situation – to a happier, more relaxed place. This can be done with the use of tapes, or on your own. Whether social anxiety is causing your stress or something else is causing your stress, it is important that you deal with the stress as soon as possible, before it leads to other more serious health problems and takes over your life. Even if you are not able to deal with other issues just yet – such as your social anxiety – your stress levels can still be greatly reduced.

We are so much more than we know. The divine eternal spark of love, light and hope lives within us. This is true for all souls and all of us who are embodied here on the Earth, and yet so often life our daily life feels so far from this. There are some difficult or traumatic events that shape us profoundly to the very core of our being. Some are personal or family events and some are larger global events that affect us deeply. When pain enters our life, there are coping mechanisms within us that help us to get through the time of difficulty. If the trauma is very deep, or goes on for a very long time, our coping mechanisms can solidify and form a protective layer around us. These eventually become assimilated into our identity, so that we no longer feel the pain of the traumatic events. Our coping mechanisms help us to move forward into life, despite difficult circumstances. These ways of coping with pain are intended to support us in times of difficulty. They are not intended to become solidified into an entire way of life, however in the absence of the love and light that are needed to foster healing, we may become entrenched in the old defenses. It is possible to go through life with an emotional and energetic suit of armor, which protects us and allows us to function, but which does not allow for a greater level of intimacy or emotional connection with others. In this kind of situation, the emotional, physical and energetic patterns of self protection can become so much a part of us that we no longer know of any other options. Like a fish who does not realize that he is in water, because he knows of no other options, we remain in the only environment we have known, not realizing there is any other possibility. Under these circumstances our identity and sense of who we are shapes itself around our defensive patterning. Without realizing it, we become our coping mechanisms. This can continue for a shorter or a longer period of time, until such time as our inner being feels safe enough to begin to explore other possibilities. When the time comes that life shows us that we don’t need to continue in these old patterns, it is possible that we find ourselves afraid to let go of our defenses. In some ways, our emotional armoring was familiar, and provided a sense of safety. To think of letting this go can provoke feelings of panic or even terror, even if another part of us wants to move forward and free ourselves. One of the reasons this can be so difficult is because our defenses became, for a time, a part of identity. When we begin to let these go, suddenly it can feel as though our very self is on the line. The question becomes, who am I if I let go of my pain? Like standing on the cliff, looking down into the abyss, it can feel like there is nothing and no one to catch us if we dare to let go of holding on. In reality, there is a natural rhythm and flow to our inner lives, so when we reach the point of being willing to open to new possibilities, new supports become available, so that we are not alone in facing our fears. It could be a new friendship or relationship, an inner sense of greater trust, or other kinds of supports that reveal themselves and help us to have the courage to open to the new and to let go of our past defenses. In this way, we are helped to move forward in our life’s journey, and to gradually come to know more of who we are as divine eternal beings of love. When we have the courage and faith to release our hold on old ways of perceiving ourselves, a new world opens before us and reveals choices we would have previously only dreamed about. By releasing our hold on the pain, and by releasing the ways we have protected ourselves against the pain, we are born anew into a new realm of love and possibility.

I recently received an email from a parent who is desperately frustrated over the struggles her middle-school son is facing. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and bi-polar disorder. School and everyday life, she says, is a real struggle; he looses everything and forgets everything. Like every other student I have met with these same characteristics, he also happens to be brilliant. But, his mother says, “All I hear is, “I’m stupid! Over and over again…” Maybe he is. There are several formal definitions of the word, “stupid,” according to Dictionary.com. In my world, however, “stupid” is the word I use to describe someone who has talents, gifts, and skills, but is choosing not to use them. Let me tell you, I know a lot of stupid people! But, you don’t have to be one of them. This struggling young man doesn’t have to be, either. Unfortunately, he is one of many, many students who think they are not smart for a variety of reasons. In his case, he is probably frustrated that he cannot organize and keep track of his papers as well as other classmates. “There must be something wrong with me,” he thinks. “There IS something wrong with you,” he hears when he visits the doctor and is told that he has ADHD and bi-polar disorder. He can probably solve challenging problems, can think of creative solutions, or can design clever things, but he does not recognize any of these skills as gifts because he can’t do something as simple as keep track of a homework assignment…and now he has a diagnosis to “prove” he’s stupid. Meanwhile, “I’m stupid!” becomes an easy excuse and a great way to get attention. When he says, “I’m stupid!” people tell him he’s not. They feel sorry for him and give him attention. Eventually, they organize his things for him and do his work for him…It doesn’t take long for “I’m stupid!” to become a crutch he depends on. This is a very common, well-intentioned situation that has been turned upside down and is back-firing on this student and his family. It is understandable how he ended up here, but the cycle has to stop and he has to be willing to step off and stop being “stupid.” How does he do that? **Action Plan** The best antidote against feeling stupid is to make a *decision* to not be stupid anymore. That may sound overly simple and obvious, but this student HAS to decide that being successful in school is worth his while and –more importantly- that he is worth the effort. If he can acknowledge that, he will immediately stop being ‘stupid,’ and will have already won more than half of his battle. The next step is for him to take action. As wonderful as our education system is, mandated curriculum has a way of beating students into a passive, coma-like state. Students quickly feel that “learning” is about sitting, getting, rehearsing, and spewing it all back on homework or a test. However, when a student realizes that he can be strategic… that HE can make some of that dry information just a little more interesting, that he can use a couple of tricks to learn it just a little bit faster, and remember it just a little bit better, he will quickly realize that there is a strategy to learning. Strategy can be fun! There are millions of study strategies plastered all over the internet. The free Homework Rx® Toolkit at www.soarstudyskills.com/freestuff.htm has several quick and simple strategies. He can start by simply trying 2-3 of them. He will soon discover that all he needs are a few of the right tools (a.k.a. strategies) to learn how to learn and organize more effectively…and make learning more interesting. Finally, he needs to stop using all of his labels as excuses. I’m not suggesting that diagnosing a student with ADHD, bi-polar disorder, or any other medical diagnosis is a bad thing. Instead, I am suggesting that the way those labels are handled can sometimes be a bad thing. For example, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis when I was 19. At that time, I did not even know what that disease was. There was no internet in “those days,” so I went to the library and checked out a book about RA. Right from the first chapter, the attitude of the author was, “So, you have rheumatoid arthritis. That’s (literally) a pain in the neck. BUT, you don’t have to stop living! You just have to start living better.” Throughout the entire book, as I learned about my disease and better ways to take care of myself, the author continued to emphasize that I could have a better life because of my experiences with the disease. After 13 years, I can honestly say that the quality of my life is much better because of the things I learned from my illness. This is the same attitude that we should be bestowing on our students when we tell them they have ADHD. We should be saying, “Okay, you have ADHD. That means that you are going to struggle a little more in traditional school settings, but you’re IQ is significantly higher than the national average and you can use your talents to do great things. We just need to figure out a few strategies to help you get through school.” Isn’t that a much more empowering message? **Conclusion** If you think about what a child, or any human being, is really saying when they say, “I’m stupid,” they are repeating messages they’ve heard or felt in some way, shape, or fashion. They can spend their life blaming other people for sending them that message, or they can decide to not be stupid anymore, take action, and be in control of their own learning!

Along an island in the North Sea,five miles from the Dutch Coast,stretches a dangerous ledge of rocks that has proved the graveyard of many a vessel sailing that turbulent sea. On this island once lived a group of men who, as each vessel was wrecked, looted the vessel and murdered those of the crew who reached shore. The government of the Netherlands decided to exterminate the island pira tes,and for the job King William selected a young lawyer at The Hague. “I want you to clean up that island,” was the royal order. It was a formidable job for a young man of twenty-odd years. By royal proclamation he was made mayor of the island, and with in a year, a court of law being established, the young attorney was appointed judge; and in that dual capacity he “cleaned up” the island. The young man now decided to settle on the island, and began to look around for a home. It was a grim place, barren of tree or living green of any kind; it was as if a man had been exiled to Siberia. Still, argued the young mayor, an ugly place is ugly only because it is not beautiful. And beautiful he determined this island should be. One day the young mayor-judge called together his council. “We must have trees,” he said; “we can make this island a spot of beauty if we will!” But the practical seafaring men demurred; the little money they had was needed for matters far more urgent than trees. “Very well,” was the may or’s decision–and little they guessed what the words were destined to mean –”I will do it myself.” And that year he planted one hundred trees, the first the island had ever seen. “Too cold,” said the islanders; “the severe north winds and storms will kill them all.” “Then I will plant more,” said the unperturbed mayor. And for the fifty years that he lived on the island he did so. He planted trees each year; and, moreover, he had deeded to the island government land which he turned into public squares an d parks, and where each spring he set out shrubs and plants. Moistened by the salt mist the trees did not wither, but grew prodigiously. In all that expanse of turbulent sea –and only those who have seen the North Sea in a storm know how turbulent it can be– there was not a foot of ground on which the birds, storm-driven across the water-waste, could rest in their flight. Hundreds of dead birds often covered the surface of the sea. Then one day the trees had grown tall enough to look over the sea, and, spe nt and driven,the first birds came and rested in their leafy shelter. And others came and found protection, and gave their gratitude vent in song. Within a few years so many birds had discovered the trees in this new island home that they attracted the attention not only of the native islanders but also of the people on the shore five miles distant, and the island became famous as the home of the rarest and most beautiful birds. So grateful were the birds for their resting-place that they chose one end of the island as a special spot for the laying of their eggs and the raising of their young, and they fairly peopled it. It was not long before ornithologists from various parts of the world came to “Eggland,” as the farthermost point of the island came to be known, to see the marvelous sight, not of thousands but of hundreds of thousands of bird-eggs.

“There is the known, and there is the unknown, and in between is the doors.” – Jim Morrison “Break on through to the other side…Where the day destroys the night and night divides the day…Break on through to the other side.” These were the famous haunting words sung by the American poet, rock artist, Jim Morrison of The Doors. With these words, he electrified an entire generation. And with these words, he began his own destruction. Morrison was talking about the great hero quest that he longed to take: to break on through to the other side, the dark side, the spiritual side, the unknown, and beyond. To penetrate the deepest darkness of his soul, enter on to the other side of pure light, and return with a vision to heal himself and his people. But Jim Morrison never returned from the dark side. Jim was not prepared to enter into the dark side. He did not understand the psychology of the hero soul, and did not have the capacity to deal with the horror of his inner demons. Instead of slaying the dragon, his ego, he fed his ego with more fire and hatred. He set out to kiss the serpent, to ride the snake to the end of time and beginning of eternity, but he was swallowed by it. He was consumed by his own darkness. The same thing happened with Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin. They got stuck in the dark side. By using artificial means, massive quantities of drugs and alcohol, they were able to shut the spinning wheels of their mind and receive a small glimpse of the other side. In their drug-induced trances, they caught the occasional beams of light on ‘the other side’ that penetrated their darkness with visions of poetic expression. But they did so at a great cost to themselves and people around them. These visions may have electrified their generation, but they did not heal. They simply entertained people, and at best, during their peak, may have satisfied a small yearning inside. But their music did not elevate people to a higher level of understanding like Mozart, Beethoven, or John Lennon. Joseph Campbell, in his book, The Hero with a Thousand Faces, beautifully illustrates the path of the hero: “the birth, life, and death of the individual may be regarded as a descent into unconsciousness and return. The hero is the one who, while still alive, knows and represents the claims of the super consciousness which throughout creation is…unconscious. The adventure of the hero represents the moment when, while still alive, he found and opened the road to the light beyond the dark walls of our living death.” The penultimate hero is able to enter into the unconscious realm and beyond, still awake, and bring back the boons that elevate entire civilizations and create the titan works that give birth to cultural enlightenment. He or she has the strength, will, courage, and inner capacity to defeat the dark demons of the other side. Heroes also survive the cruel impact of the world. They learn to effectively deal with the initial, furious scorn and ridicule from people that don’t understand them upon their return. They learn to shatter the ego, and return transformed, offering people the life elixir to renew and transform themselves as well. They cause the illumination of the collective soul and liberation of the mind. The highest purpose of the hero is to provide a vision that heals our tribe called humanity. Can we all aspire to become like this in our lifetime? This is a question that I cannot answer, because I have no authority to decide what is possible and what is not. The important thing to remember is that this work is a composite of the universal hero in a state of perfection. We only need to access a small fraction of this power to experience a new life with new power and new blood.” [Excerpted from "Psychology of the Hero Soul," by Sharif Khan, Chapter 1.] Psychology of the Hero Soul is an inspirational book on awakening the Hero within and rekindling people’s passion for greatness. It is based on author, Sharif Khan’s ten years research in the field of human development. The Hero Soul is availble to order in most major bookstores including Borders, Barnes and Noble, Chapters, Indigo, and Coles bookstores. To order online visit: http://www.herosoul.com Psychology of the Hero Soul, by Sharif Khan, ISBN 0973192208, Diamond Mind Books, 160 pages, $14.95 US, trade-paperback, Self-help/Inspirational, distributed by Ingram, Baker & Taylor, and University of Toronto Press. For more information on special quantity discounts call (416) 417-1259 or email: inspire@herosoul.com